So, which are the best hotels in Phuket? I wish I had a dollar for every time I am asked to recommend a hotel in Phuket. Of course, it is a devilishly difficult task unless you know somebody very, very well. Do they want to be near the action? Near shopping? In a quiet spot? On the beach? How much do they want to pay? Is room service important?Over the years, I have visited most of the hotels on the island and have my own list of favourites. Let me share them with you:
1. Andaman White Beach Resort, Naithon Beach.Fabulous villa rooms on the beach with private swimming pools, breakfast on a deck overlooking the sea, polite service from unobtrusive staff. If you prefer the beach and bed to nightlife and shopping, this is perfection.
2. The Old Phuket, Karon Beach.Under-rated older hotel off the main beach, with nicely redecorated rooms and great jacuzzi rooms with private entrances. Love the Sino-Portuguese architecture and the unpretensiousness of this gentle hotel. Smart new wing on its way.
3. Impiana Phuket Cabana Resort, Patong Beach.One of the few Patong hotels right on the beach. Post-tsunami refurbishment has updated the rooms beautifully, the public areas and gardens are stunning, so is the Salabua restaurant. One hotel you won't want to leave in the perfect Patong location.
4. Tri-Trang Beach Resort, Tri Trang Beach.Very average rooms in a very average resort, with some rooms requiring a steep upstairs climb. But this is the tropical location you dream of - wide, desolate palm-fringed beach with only a handful of loungers and a restaurant where you can dine with your feet in the sand. Rocky beach not the best, but that helps to keep the daytrippers at bay. Get a taste of the Phuket of yesteryear.
5. Banyan Tree Phuket, Laguna, Bangtoa Beach.One of the top three hotels on the island - the others are Trisara and Amanpuri - but Banyan Tree gets the nod for its fabulous spa, adjoining golf course and very private villas. Magnificent lobby area with sweeping views across lawns and a lake sets the stage for a great resort.
6. Poppa Palace, Patong Beach.This small two-star hotel is squeezed into a tiny plot in one of the less salubrious areas of Patong Beach. What it offers is great rates, a tiny swimming pool (but a pool nonetheless), nice rooms, good security and a friendly staff. There's a reason why its always fully booked - it is great value.
7. Royal Phawadee Village, Patong Beach.Masses of palms and teak-walled rooms in the heart of Patong can only mean you have stumbled on a hidden gem. French-run, you get a great room in a palm plantation, a nice swimming pool, a short walk to the beach and a great steakhouse. To top it off, the room rates are reasonable.
8. Le Tanjong Guest House, Patong Beach. Owned by my friend, this small six-room guest house is perfect if you're after a room with a comfy bed, airconditioning, en-suite bathroom, safety box and satellite television. The best thing about it is that it is kept spotlessly clean. Ok, I am biased, but its still great value for a clean, affordable place to lay your head. 
9. Holiday Inn Busakorn Wing, Patong Beach. This hotel, which adjoins the old Holiday Inn, offers a refuge from the hustle and bustle of Patong Beach and the very busy 'mother ship'. You can use all the facilities of both hotels, but the Holiday Inn crowd aren't allowed into your oasis. Superb rooms, great pool area and very professional staff.
10. The Chedi, Pansea Beach.Without the stairs, this would be the number one hotel on the island. The Chedi has a magnificent beach practically to itself. Simple villas on the beach are just fabulous, but others require hefty climbing up wooden staircases. The view is great, but you may be too puffed to enjoy it. Still, its a wonderfully understated hotel that ranks with the best.
Ten hotels I wouldn't stay in:
1. Indigo Pearl Resort, Nai Yang Beach.
Great PR cannot lift this over-rated dump into the boutique resort they claim it is. Ignore all the awards and recommendations, it's certainly nothing special. Especially at the prices they charge.
2. Diamond Cliff Resort, Kalim Beach.
Been around too long, with too little spent on refurbishment. Being eclipsed by newer rivals all around - and deservedly so. An old dame slowly dying, methinks.
3. Evason Resort, Rawai Beach.
A revamp of a crummy old resort - and it shows. The public areas are spectacular and parts rather innovative, but the standard rooms are tired and the garden looks parched and neglected. This could be a tropical paradise, but it sure aint one now.
4. Club Andaman Beach Resort, Patong Beach.
A wasted opportunity in a great location. I suspect that the lease on this resort is running out soon: I doubt there's any money being spent on it. It is crying out for Hyatt or Sheraton to give it a much-needed facelift.
5. Hilton Arcadia Phuket, Karon Beach.
Too big and too ugly to be saved, even by the Hilton brand. Okay for a conference, but you can do much better for a holiday. With all the land it occupies, I think it's time they called in the demolition team and built a proper resort.
6. Thara Patong Resort, Patong Beach.
Mid-range hotel that has pretensions of being something special. Get past the vaguely swanky foyer and you'll discover a dreary and tired affair. There's little reason why anyone would want to stay here with far better value surrounding it on all sides. Give it a miss.
7. Club Med Phuket, Kata Beach.
It's not that the resort is so bad, it's acceptable; it's just that the Club Med concept is so 'old hat' - and this vast complex dominates the entire stretch of beautiful Kata Beach. It seems that this is another case of too little being spent on a resort that has such a splendid location - but I guess that's why they get away with it.
8. Safari Beach Hotel, Patong Beach.
Close to the Bangla Road gogo bar zone, and totally overwhelmed by its seafood restaurant. I'll admit the restaurant does a roaring trade luring punters off the street. But I don't like the seafood and I don't like the hotel. Real 'cheap charlie' territory.
9. Mom Tri's Boathouse and Villa Royale.
The Boathouse has a great location and a lovely restaurant, but it's way too expensive for what it is. When I last checked, the rooms needed more than a renovation - they needed a total overhaul. And there's nothing "royal" about their overpriced Villa Royale suites. Sack the designer now!
10. Mangosteen Resort and Spa, Rawai Beach.
Whoever built this resort in the middle of the expat zone, with the nearest beach kilometres away, needs their head read. It's not an expat haunt, it's not a holiday paradise, it's not even suitable for business executives. This one falls badly between the cracks. And that's where it belongs.
