If you think Valentine's Day is a western tradition, you haven't checked out Thailand. Oh, yes, February 14 is big, big business in this corner of south-east Asia. Every possible trinket and fluffy toy symbolising love goes on sale as the Thai people rush to profess their love. Pop into a 7-Eleven store for a packet of ice and you're bound to leave with a little bear in a glass jar covered in flashing hearts. Or a bottle of Chivas Regal packaged in a neon pink box with two glasses engraved with a kissing couple.
Nothing is too kitsch. Millions and millions of pink and white balloons will be strung up across the entrances to bars and restaurants. Little teddy bears will adorn key rings, motor-bikes and dressing tables, silk flowers will be on sale everywhere (they last longer) and the amount of red ribbon used on the day would easily be enough to tie a bow around the globe.And for those ready to tie the knot, this is the day of choice. All the marriage licensing offices get into the act, with special certificates and momentoes handed out to the blushing newlyweds, who will have queued for hours.
So, it shouldn't surprise one that the tourist authorities have jumped onto the bandwagon. The big tourist centres like Bangkok, Phuket and Chiang Mai will be swamped with giggling couples and their credit cards, but the more 'out of the way' places are bidding for their slice of the pie.
Take the Surin province. Its only claim to fame is an abundance of elephants. That's no problem - who could resist the opportunity to take their marriage vows while seated on a swaying jumbo? Can you imagine it? For one, there's the indignity of trying to scramble aboard in wedding regalia - and then there's always the chance that the tusker could let rip with some noisy and smelly activities at the crucial moment. I know the elephant handlers are skilled, but can they explain to the ellie that it should stand still for 20 minutes or so and resist the temptation to let nature takes its course? And what if it decides that this is the moment to rub itself up against the nearest tree trunk?But there will be many takers. As long as the happy couple can emerge with a pretty photograph or two, it will have been worth all the farting and fuss.
If you really want excitement, head for the province of Trang, which is in the southern part of Thailand. Here you can tie the knot underwater. And, unbelievably, its very, very popular. The authorities have to restrict the number of wet-suited lovers ready to say their vows through muffled mouthpieces and bubbles. The bride and groom have to be qualified divers, but less-skilled guests can resort to peering down from boats bobbing on the surface. Or they can snorkel above the ceremony for a birds' eye view.
It almost sounds romantic, but the chances of something going wrong is too high for my liking. Especially when one removes the mouthpieces for that first kiss. It would be very sad to end up having your honeymoon in a hyperbaric chamber!
No, I think it's far safer to do the conventional thing. I prefer my bubbles to come in a glass and my elephant to be fluffy pink and wrapped in cellophane. A sunset picnic on the beach sounds like a far better bet.
