Bangkok's celebrity couple

Meet Thailand's number one celebrity couple - tennis star Paradorn Srichapan, 29, and Miss Universe 2005 Natalie Glebova, 26. Paradorn's tennis career may have hit a slump, but he's still Thailand's most adored sports star. Over the years he has romanced a string of the country's most beautiful women - models, actresses and singers. All the beauties ended up with broken hearts as they failed to capture the handsome athlete.

Roll forward to 2005. Thailand hosts the Miss Universe competition and the winner is a Canadian beauty of Russian descent, Natalie Glebova. A popular choice, she announces that she adores Thailand. A few months later she appears at the Thailand Tennis Open on behalf of one of her sponsors, Singha Beer. Congratulating Paradorn on his victory in the quarter finals, she pecks him on the cheek.

And the country goes wild. All the gossip columns start speculating: Could she be the one? It seems inconceivable that a foreigner has scooped up the country's most eligible bachelor, the dashing hero in every Thai girl's dreams. But, seeing Natalie won the Miss Universe title in Thailand, she is almost half-Thai, isn't she? The reports flow in: Natalie has moved to live in Thailand, the couple are seen hand-in-hand at a nightclub, they go on holiday to Bali together, she is seen with his parents, etc, etc. The rumour mill goes wild when she is spotted with an enormous diamond ring.

Is it an engagement ring? Has she really won him over? The answer is announced at a press conference at the five-star Sukhothai Hotel in April last year. His proud parents - who reportedly put an end to an earlier romance with Thailand's singing sensation Tata Young - appear with the couple. And to prove just how they value their new daughter in law, they unveil to the hundreds - yes, hundreds - of reporters (and live TV coverage) that the family have given her the Thai name Piangfah and the nickname Fah.

But, even more importantly, they lay out their gifts to the former beauty queen, a diamond necklace and earings worth a staggering 13 million baht (about R3,5 million). The cameras go wild....and Thailand's gasps with admiration. This is the real proof that she has done it.

The couple were duly married at Bangkok's most expensive hotel, the Oriental (where else) and they remain way out on top of the country's celebrity A-list. She continues her publicity work for Singha beer and together they have been promoting a new upmarket Bangkok housing development. Says Paradorn: "This feels right. We share the same passions and really understand each other." And who said fairytales don't come true...

* Watch the wedding video on You Tube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rk0jLZkvEuM), with comments in Thai by a Bangkok ladyboy, who is a leading fashion fundi.

Get ready for air rage

It had to happen. No longer are we going to be safe from the scourge of cellphones in the sky; Emirates airline has announced that it will allow passengers to use their mobile phones during flights. Can you imagine it? An aircraft has been the last bastion of freedom from the annoying "ear-rings" that people can't seem to spend a minute without.

And, of course, you know where the cellphone addict will be sitting on the plane? Yes, right next to me. And when this 'pain in the ear' is not chatting away, screaming with laughter at jokes I cannot hear, they will be sending SMS's or testing out their ring tones. Now that can REALLY drive one mad!

The first call was made on Thursday 13 March 2008 on a flight from Dubai to Casablanca. The airlines says that the response has been very enthusiastic. I'll bet it is, but only from the damn cellphone addicts. Of course, people have been able to make calls from seat phones for years, but having to swipe a credit card across the handset before each call has a dampening effect on callers. No such luck with cellphones, I'm afraid.

The airline says that only five or six calls will be allowed at any one time (how the hell will they do that?) and passengers will be encouraged to switch their phones to silent / vibrate mode when used in the aircraft (oh, yeah...)

Do Emirates, the overly-innovative airline from the Middle East, realise what they are doing? By facilitating the world's first inflight mobile telephone service, they have opened the door to a new breed of air rage. Drinks will tossed over callers, air bags shoved over their heads and some even smothered with miniature pillows.

Don't believe me? Well, consider this survey that was done among airline passengers to find out the three things that would annoy them most during a flight. Unsurprisingly, 67% of passengers claimed that the use of cellphones would be a huge irritant and believed it would be even worse than sitting next to a smelly, over-amorous or obnoxious passenger.

Here is what passengers said they would find most irritating:
78% The person behind knocking your seat
69% The person infront reclining their seat
67% Mobile phone use during a flight
53% Smelly passengers
18% Obnoxious passengers
10% Passengers leaving the toilets in a mess
3% Other passengers music/games
1% Overly chatty passengers
1% Overly amorous passengers

So, enjoy your flights for the next few months. And, when you finally board a "cellphone-abled" fllight and feel air rage building up, don't do anything stupid. Find something to relax you...or give me a call.

Fool's Gold

Many men come to Thailand to find the girl of their dreams. On their first visit, they can't believe the wonderworld they find themselves in. The Thai girls are extremely beautiful - believe me when I say that photographs do not do them justice. And they are among the kindest, sweetest, gentlest people on the globe.

However, as the man is bound to discover on successive visits, the chances of meeting a mate for life in a gogo bar, massage parlour or a karaoke bar are extremely slim. If the man is in it for a bit of fun and is happy to reward his 'girlfriend' handsomely, it is a match made in heaven for an hour, a week or even a few months. But if he is looking for love, he is stepping into a minefield.

Of course, there are exceptions. First, let me state the obvious - but it's worth stating; the vast, vast majority of Thai women are not looking for foreign husbands or lovers. They wouldn't dream of hitching up with one, especially not for money. The second point - and just as obvious - is that there are many foreigners who marry Thai women, have children and live happily ever after.

But let's just say that in the tourist bar zones this is not the norm. Lovely Nong or Ping is out to make some money, and she is happy to share her time with a kind-hearted stranger. And, if she been in the bars for more than a few years, she will have picked up a few 'tricks of the trade' to boost her earnings.

The stories are legendary and are documented in a number of books on the topic. They all have the same basic theme - silly middle-aged foreigner falls for beautiful young Thai girl, spends all his money on her and then she bids him a not-so-tearful farewell (or he runs for the hills before his money runs out). The faster she can get him to part with the money, the quicker she can move on to the next gullible loveseeker.

Here are some of the phrases that will inevitably crop up during the course of this love tryst (with the truth in brackets):
- I no mobile phone. I want phone you everytime. You can buy me one? (= If it's an expensive model, I'll keep it and give mine to my brother)

- I sad, mamma very sick. She go hospital. You can help me? (= My Thai boyfriend needs money to pay gambling debts)

- I no go out to disco. All my friend have gold. I no gold. I shy. (= Pay up, darling. No money, no honey)

- I go hospital and have good news. We have baby. (= Let's hope he believes this one. Will he get all cuddly or pay up and run?)

- Please send money. I no work bar anymore. I only go with you. (I already have four men sending me money, but five is better)

- We can go look shopping centre. I like look people. ( = I love shopping when a rich foreigner is paying)

- My brother have problem with police. You can help, pleeeez. (= My boyfriend has been gambling again)

- I no like Thai man. He drink too much, want money, no good. (= I don't like foreigners, they drink too much and never give enough money)

- I must go temple, pray Buddha (My boyfriend wants to see me)

I could go on and on, but the point of all this is to be able to recount the scene I observed on Patong beach a while back. A 40-something foreigner (who looked like a banker) was arguing with his 20-something Thai girlfriend (who looked like an angel) on the beach lounger next to me. The dispute was about love and money, the only two things that really count, of course.

"You no love me, you think I love you money and gold. You no understand. I love you. I not love gold." She pointed to the shiny necklace, bracelet and rings on her fingers. Unfortunately, the jaded lover seemed immune to the outburst and I could see this affair was headed for the rocks.

Then she did the unimaginable. She took off her jewellery, walked to the water's edge and tossed it all into the sea. "You see, I no care gold. I care you," she screamed, bursting into tears. The horrified lover seemed shell-shocked, but then took her into his arms and began calming her down.

I was anything but calm. The jewellery must have been worth at least 50,000 baht (1,500 US dollars). I ordered my Thai friends to rush into the sea and get their hands on the discarded booty. But they remained unmoved. "Relax," they said, patting me as if I was a young child. I was about to head for the waves myself, when one knelt down and explained the situation: "That not gold, she not put gold in sea, she put copy. She keep gold in room."

The penny dropped. Clever little Nong had simply replaced all her gold jewellery with cheap copies on sale in the street markets. Then she had engineered the scene on the beach so that she could make the ultimate sacrifice - throw away her gold jewellery to prove her love for her 'handsome man'.

I don't need to tell you what happened next. Yes, our handsome man managed to stem the flow of tears with a solemn promise to replace all the jewellery she had lost. A smile broke through the tears: "We go shop, okay. Thank you, thank you. You very good man."

And that's how clever little Nong managed to double her gold holdings - and extend the romance - during one afternoon's work on the beach. Amazing, amazing Thailand.

The grandest hotel in the world

I have seen many grand hotels in my time - the Savoy in London, the Plaza in New York, Raffles in Singapore, the Lost City at Sun City, the Venetian in Las Vegas....but nothing prepared me for the splendour I found in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

The Mandarin Oriental Dhara Dhevi Hotel was built by a Thai businessman in a bid to recreate and preserve the best of Thai architecture. What he created, costing a fortune, is the most splendid, lavish hotel I have ever had the pleasure of visiting. Built around a rice paddy on the outskirts of this charming city in northern Thailand, it is truly beyond description.

I had the opportunity to have lunch there with my friends, Charmain Naidoo, visiting from Port Elizabeth, and Tanit Pinisirodom, who owns a guesthouse in Phuket. We dined at the Lanna Grand restaurant, a restaurant located in a teak mansion just outside the main gate to the hotel. Most people never get a chance to go beyond the gates, but Tanit had arranged through a hotel contact that we be allowed to visit.

We were transported around in two horse-drawn carriages, and while we were not allowed to go inside any of the rooms, what we did get to see was truly awesome. The hotel is spread over huge grounds, but, like all really good hotels, manages to retain an intimacy, reinforced by the friendly greetings from all the staff.

I hope you get a feel of the hotel from these pics. Otherwise take a look at hotel's website. It does not fully convey the opulence of the place. The only way to grasp this is to stay there. I am confident that one day I will booking into a villa there. The price is not really that bad, with rooms starting from 16,000 baht, that's around 500 US dollars.

Charmain has promised to take me there when she comes into her millions one day (and I am sure she will). Otherwise, will one of you please win the lottery and then join me at the Mandarin Oriental for a few days of leisure and pleasure. Of course, the bill will be yours.

A surprise from the past

I often look at the plots of novels and wonder how on earth they dreamt up such unlikely tales. But, of course, life is often stranger than fiction. My life, and that of my family, recently took a strange and unexpected turn which is worthy of a novel.

A man from the Eastern Cape contacted me by email in Thailand and asked me whether I was the same Peter Malherbe who lived in Komga and had a sister named Jacqueline. He said he would like to communicate with me. I replied immediately saying this was indeed the same person who once marched through the hallowed halls of Komga Secondary School.

Then came the news. The man said he believed that my sister was his birth mother and that he was given up for adoption on birth. He had been adopted by a loving family and was now a married church pastor. All he wanted was more information about his mother and possibly a photograph of her.

He was born in June 1977, which makes him 30 years old. And it means that my sister, Jackie, was 19 at the time of his birth. She passed away two years later. At the time I would have been in the army, and I had absolutely no idea that she had been pregnant. Neither did my brothers. Our parents had kept it from us.

It was the strangest feeling communicating with a family member that I never knew existed. I wonder if he looks like Jackie? He will meet with my family shortly and he will get a picture of his mom. I am glad that he was able to contact us and that we are able to tell him about his mother. He seems to be a really nice guy and I am sure Jackie would have been very proud of him.

I had actually heard about the case about 10 years ago, when I was contacted by a social welfare worker who made some queries around this possibilty, but had not given further details and there was no contact.

A strange aside is that our family comes from a long line of religious ministers, and my dad preached in the Methodist Church. With my brothers and I choosing other careers, it seemed as though this tradition had ended. Well, now we know that it hasn't, really. Jackie's son is a preacher.

I hope that I will be able to meet him when I am back in South Africa on holiday. It may sound odd, but it's a rather nice feeling that some part of Jackie lives on in her son. Isn't life strange?

Lust in the Library

Don't ask the people of Phuket about their compatriots from Nakhon Sri Thammarat, a provincial city about three hours travel away. They will mutter under their breath about 'dark skins' and then, inevitably, spit out the word: mafia. Yes, the good folk of 'Nakhon' have a rather very poor reputation among their island brothers.

Apparently, it harks back to the days when settlers from the less wealthy Nakhon moved to Phuket in a bid to get a slice of the tourist dollar. The people of Phuket were not that charmed at accommodating the financial desires of their brothers from the mainland. But the Nakhon heavyweights were not going anywhere, so they banded together to ensure their survival. Thus their reputation of being a little thuggish was cemented in the minds of the locals. They took over small sectors of the Phuket economy and everybody settled down again.

These days it's a little hard to tell who's from Nakhon as dark-skinned Thais from all over the country have descended on the island. But they are still around: and their reputation lingers.

However, it seems that while the seamier side of Phuket has quietened down under the onslaught of families and wealthy couples, things have been swinging back home. Two recent reports in the Thai media suggest that NST may not be a quiet backwater.

First came the tale of lewd goings-on in the local library. Apparently lustful teenage couples have been 'doing their thing' between the rows of books. It came to a head on February 1 when parents held a meeting calling on the authorities to take action. One parent, who works opposite the library, testified that he often saw students, aged 13 to 15, courting at the library and then engaging in sex. They were often still dressed - or partly dressed - in their school uniforms.

Said the outraged man, Khun Witthaya: “I and other parents have seen children openly engaging in sexual intercourse – with no shame whatsoever. We were embarrassed to see it and had to take a detour round it.”

A 55 year-old worker at the libary said that the horny youths were in fierce competition with each other to grab the best spots on the second floor of the library. They showed no regard for people visiting the library for study purposes. "Staff have warned the youths about their behavior many times, but staff can’t be at all points in the building at all times," said one librarian.

As a result, the furniture and lighting has been re-arranged to make the second floor less attractive as a love nest and truancy officers will be on the lookout for copulating couples. Half-dressed offenders will be dragged home to their parents and reported to the school authorities.

The second report casts a dark shadow over Nakhon's temple, Wat Suan Pam. Apparently three monks there were using their dormitory as a makeshift disco over the weekends. News of the temple disco leaked when neighbours told the police that they had seen monks leading a number of young girls into the temple late at night.

The police sprang into action. At first all they could find was a funeral wake, which was taking place at the temple. Then they heard some noise from the direction of the sleeping quarters - the distinct thump of techno music. Peeping through a crack in the door, a wide-eyed cop spotted three young monks and three young girls The police pounced. The girls dived onto the bed in a bid to hide, but the drunk monks could only stumble around.

The cell was set up like a mini-karaoke bar with a coloured lightings system, speakers, a VCD player with microphone, a computer and eight X-rated movies. The officers counted 13 beer bottles and two wine coolers. Clearly a fun time was being had.

Unfortunately the young monks - one aged 21 and the others 18 - were immediately defrocked by the abbot. Two girls, aged 15 and 18, were handed over to their parents, while a 20-year-old was photographed for police records.

So, if things get any more exciting in NST, the hefty taxi drivers and moneylenders from Nakhon now living in Phuket may well be tempted back home. It certainly sounds more exciting than island life.

Hello Sri Lanka

I am writing this on the island of Sri Lanka, formerly known as Ceylon, the land of lush tea plantations, Dutch forts and untouched tropical beaches. And, yes, I am aware that there's a civil war going on. I have read the travel warnings about visiting the country. A day after I arrived there was a bomb down the road in the capital, Colombo and there are roadblocks everywhere. But it's still reasonably safe for visitors. The Sri Lankan government and the Tamil Tigers have been battling away for more than two decades, so it hardly makes sense to delay a trip to the country because of civil unrest.

For those who know South Africa, Sri Lanka reminds me of the KwaZulu Natal North Coast: not Umhlanga with its luxury holiday homes and genteel society, but more like Tongaat and Stanger. It's bustling and busy and hot and humid.

The tourist industry has suffered as a result of the violence (and the tsunami three years ago), but it still lures adventurous holidaymakers and those who prefer an un-packaged destination. And, believe it or not, I find this one of the most peaceful places on earth. It's my second visit to this lovely country and both times I have been overcome by a feeling of total calm and inner peace. I know it sounds almost mystical, but there is something about Sri Lanka that touches me deep down in my soul.

A guide book I read described Sri Lanka is a gentler, kinder version of India. Well, I have never been to India, but this is enough of an assault on the senses. There's not much prettiness around. Buildings are ramshackle, the cars battle and wheeze their way down clogged roads and the smells and signs of poverty are everywhere. But, despite it all, it is all rather charming in a faded colonial sort of way. And I feel totally at home.

Once again, I am staying in a magnificent guesthouse in Negombo, which is an extraordinary refuge from the streets outside. Behind high walls lies a world of five-star service and stunning design. From the airconditioned comfort of my bedroom I look out over a shimmering swimming pool, with palm trees and a hammock gently swaying in the wind.

Each day I set off for a stroll down to the beach. As I tramp along the sandy road, I pass houses in various states of disrepair, tiny shops packed with cheap trinkets and an open-air snooker hall, where everyone stops playing to say hello. It's that kind of place. The restaurants on the main road may look rundown and even grotty at times, but everyone is friendly, the prices are dirt cheap and the fare surprisingly delicious.

My favourite spot is Le Dolce Vita, which is a rather grand name for a 'pastry and tea' shop attached to a one-star boarding house. But the owner is a friendly chap, the food fresh and tasty and the view of the beach is great. The park at the end of the beach is where one finds all the action. With very few tourists, most of the swimmers are Sri Lankan and the facilities cater for them. A steam train (made entirely from old coke cans) provides children's rides on a small circular track, a pony stands idle awaiting customers and a rickety old pick-up advertises Elephant - Sri Lanka's Finest Ice Cream. I have a cone (well, two) for only 10 rupees and am finally coerced by a disabled vendor into buying a silver necklace for 500, that's five dollars.

There's little to do at night, so I tend to head for bed early and get a long night's rest. In the morning I know there's a slap-up breakfast waiting for me: a cup of the finest Ceylon tea, bacon and eggs, a basket of toast and a platter of freshly cut fruit. What a way to start the day.

Good morning, lovely Sri Lanka.

Fried Chicken with Herpes

I celebrated my 49th birthday in Krabi with my friend But and his family. At the last minute, I had an extra companion for the trip. Fred Hagemann from Johannesburg had mixed up his flight details - and ended up with an extra day's holiday! So he came along for the ride and then left on his flight to South Africa via Singapore the next day.

Krabi is situated on the mainland of Thailand, across the bay from Phuket. Although it's not too far by boat or as the crow flies, it takes about 2-3 hours by road. We rolled into town in my pick-up and checked into the City Hotel in Krabi Town. We usually stay in Ao Nang, which is a holiday resort about 15kms from Krabi Town. While Ao Nang is very touristy, with hundreds of resorts, restaurants and bars, Krabi Town is a rather sleepy provincial town only frequented by Thai families and backpackers, lured by the low rates.

At this time of the year Ao Nang is horribly overpriced, as the Scandanavians and Germans swarm in. The resort where I usually stay for 1000 baht a night costs 3800 baht over this period. A good hotel will cost around 200 US dollars right now. In contrast, the neat and friendly City Hotel will only set you back 750 or 900 baht, really good value. And as it is located opposite the night market and only a half-block from river promenade, it's right in the centre of all the action there is.

I loved it. Most of the action takes place on the pavement outside the hotel. Sitting on the steps of the 7-Eleven store next to the entrance one can spend hours watching the locals come and go. Two shops down is a 24-hour liquor store, used by all the karoake bars and pubs to stock up as the night progresses. Everyone is very friendly and the market across the road has everything you could possibly need in terms of food, drink and cheap clothing. And all of this comes at incredibly low 'local' prices.

That night we went to dinner at a Thai restaurant on the outskirts of the town. What an amazing place. We sat outside in a garden setting, with fountains, bridges and palm trees. Checking out the menu, we came across an amazing dish - fried chicken with herpes! Fred and I were hysterical, finally deciding that the herpes meant herbs.

One often finds funny translations on English signs in Thailand. However, my favourite one represents a misunderstanding more than a mistake. Someone obviously had the idea to take advantage of the trend towards everything eco-friendly with their brand of bottled water. However, the name they chose, GREEN WATER, failed to boost sales.

While we were there, Fred and I did our "eco-friendly" bit with a boat ride down the river which runs through Krabi. It is flanked by a huge mangrove forest and with huge limestone cliffs surrounding the town, is a spectacular sight. However, at one point he took us into the forest, where we were surrounded by trees. Suddenly we noticed the monkeys - hundreds of them, with the most evil looks on their faces. The boatmen threw out a few bananas for them to squabble over, but they never stopped staring at us with the fiercest-looking eyes and twitching mouths. It was a terrifying sight and I was most relieved to leave them behind.

So, it was "Happy Birthday to Peter" in lovely Krabi. Next year I will be 50 - so you can expect a big, big party.... I am busy planning. Watch this space.

Love on an elephant

If you think Valentine's Day is a western tradition, you haven't checked out Thailand. Oh, yes, February 14 is big, big business in this corner of south-east Asia. Every possible trinket and fluffy toy symbolising love goes on sale as the Thai people rush to profess their love. Pop into a 7-Eleven store for a packet of ice and you're bound to leave with a little bear in a glass jar covered in flashing hearts. Or a bottle of Chivas Regal packaged in a neon pink box with two glasses engraved with a kissing couple.

Nothing is too kitsch. Millions and millions of pink and white balloons will be strung up across the entrances to bars and restaurants. Little teddy bears will adorn key rings, motor-bikes and dressing tables, silk flowers will be on sale everywhere (they last longer) and the amount of red ribbon used on the day would easily be enough to tie a bow around the globe.

And for those ready to tie the knot, this is the day of choice. All the marriage licensing offices get into the act, with special certificates and momentoes handed out to the blushing newlyweds, who will have queued for hours.

So, it shouldn't surprise one that the tourist authorities have jumped onto the bandwagon. The big tourist centres like Bangkok, Phuket and Chiang Mai will be swamped with giggling couples and their credit cards, but the more 'out of the way' places are bidding for their slice of the pie.

Take the Surin province. Its only claim to fame is an abundance of elephants. That's no problem - who could resist the opportunity to take their marriage vows while seated on a swaying jumbo? Can you imagine it? For one, there's the indignity of trying to scramble aboard in wedding regalia - and then there's always the chance that the tusker could let rip with some noisy and smelly activities at the crucial moment. I know the elephant handlers are skilled, but can they explain to the ellie that it should stand still for 20 minutes or so and resist the temptation to let nature takes its course? And what if it decides that this is the moment to rub itself up against the nearest tree trunk?

But there will be many takers. As long as the happy couple can emerge with a pretty photograph or two, it will have been worth all the farting and fuss.

If you really want excitement, head for the province of Trang, which is in the southern part of Thailand. Here you can tie the knot underwater. And, unbelievably, its very, very popular. The authorities have to restrict the number of wet-suited lovers ready to say their vows through muffled mouthpieces and bubbles. The bride and groom have to be qualified divers, but less-skilled guests can resort to peering down from boats bobbing on the surface. Or they can snorkel above the ceremony for a birds' eye view.

It almost sounds romantic, but the chances of something going wrong is too high for my liking. Especially when one removes the mouthpieces for that first kiss. It would be very sad to end up having your honeymoon in a hyperbaric chamber!

No, I think it's far safer to do the conventional thing. I prefer my bubbles to come in a glass and my elephant to be fluffy pink and wrapped in cellophane. A sunset picnic on the beach sounds like a far better bet.

Sail away in style

'The real beauty of Phuket is in the sea around it,' an old expat told me when I first came to the island. And he was partly right. Phuket is beautiful in its own right, but the islands dotted around the Andaman Sea are truly breath-taking.

I have long dreamt of chartering my own boat for a few days and setting sail, stopping off in idyllic bays to snorkel and swim. The boat would be an old fashioned schooner, but fitted out with all the modcons. There would be huge, comfortable double bed, a fully-stocked bar with loads of ice and a barbecue grill on board.

I would have a crew to run the boat and serve me whatever my heart desired. Days would be spent relaxing on deck or exploring new coves and deserted beaches. Evenings would be for lying on the deck and staring at the stars or paddling ashore to hang out at a beach bar. What a life that would be!

Well, I have discovered that my dream is not beyond reach. While I was on the beach the other day I saw the boat of my dreams glide by. A suntanned couple standing in the bow of the boat waved at me with a smug smile on their faces. Lucky bastards, I thought. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to jot down the name of this extraordinary boat. The next day, back at work, I started finding out how I could lay my hands on it. As luck would have it, the boat can be chartered for trips around Phuket and beyond. It sleeps six people comfortably (with more on the deck) and, believe it or not, even has a 10-seater jacuzzi.

The boat is named the Merdeka. A traditional Indonesian Phinisi vessel, it has seven sails and a diesel-powered engine. It comes with a Thai captain and two crew members, plus an optional masseuse. There are two double cabins with aircon, two bunk beds and two bathrooms. A huge deck not only accommodates the jacuzzi, but also has loads of space to lie out under the sun or stars. What more could one want?

There's only one little problem. It's not that cheap. Not too expensive, mind you, but still an extravagance. Out of season (May-Nov), the boat costs 510 Euros per day (that's R5100) and in peak, peak season, that rises to 800 Euros per day (thats R8000). However, that does include the crew, all running costs and three meals a day with unlimited coffee, tea, water and soft drink. You bring along your own booze (by the case, I would guess!) and you are also provided with an inflatable dinghy and all snorkelling equipment.

I've planned my trip already. It will last four days and three nights, Day One will be spent in the Phang-Nga Bay area, Day Two along the coast of Krabi and Day Three checking out the Phi Phi Islands. On Day Four, I will sail back to Phuket, all tanned and relaxed and handsome. I am sure I can swing a discount, but the rough cost works out at around 100 Euros per person per day (that's R1000 a day). That's with five people on board. Anyone interested? Would be fun, wouldn't it?